Archive for persona

Chicken idol, or is it really..

The chickens are not impressed at all. No sir, we are not. The result for the 2008 Chicken Idol is out.  And we are suspicious *squinted eyes*. Our little soft heart is restless.

Our highly intelligent chicken brain says that something is wrong. The winner. There is something unchickeny about the winner of this year’s Chicken Idol. *scratching our wings. And each other’s back. *

Chickens cannot reach our own back you see. Hey, but wait a minute, how come the new Chicken Idol is able to scratch its back? And look at the feet. Is that even foot? Too fleshy. What a disgrace. And look at the tail. Why is it not spreading our usual beautiful-beyond-comprehension spread? Hmmm. Getting more suspicious.

We don’t know what is wrong here. Our most brilliant ones should go under deep investigation here. But our sharp poultry intuition says that the winner is not genuine. A bit fake.

What it means, we still don’t know. Mother? What do you think? Chick-a-boo? A little hint, please? Are we missing something here?

Look at the picture below. Do you think it deserve to be a Chicken Idol? We don’t think so. We just don’t have a strong reason to oppose yet. *In-depth comprehensive investigation begins.*

Hey, what has happened to stories about Big Brother? Oh hush, this one is far more urgent. Have priorities for Hen sake!

Comments (1) »

A prelude on The Big Bro

We want to tell you stories [gossip???] about this particular chicken: The Big Bro. But we think before that, we need to tell you who (or what?) he (or it?) is.

Big Bro, to put it lightly, is a total weirdo.

Hush, you should not say that to a fellow chicken. But that is true isn’t it? Even if it is, you still cannot say that explicitly. Be more chickenly suave for hen sake. Well, we cannot give a clear idea if we do not tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. [Fact: this is where that famous legal oath originated from us, the chickens].

Anyway…

About the Big bBro.

Our Big Bro is very much into that higher aspiration thing-o. [aspirination you mean? Does he have a constant headache? Because I do, too. No, aspiration, you chicken tail.] He, according to a fellow weirdo, always thirsts for the meaning of life.

Hence, his chosen road less traveled by any chicken that has ever lived [What about the lower non-chicken being? Aha, what about chicken that never lives? Interesting question.. *getting philosophical, we are the brainy chickens!*].

Big Bro used to be this high-profile high-achieving hard-working party animal [granted, he is an animal indeed. He is a chicken for hen sake].

He was practically on top of his game, being a consultant in Poultry and Ranch (or PR for short). He networked with all sorts of animals in the farm. He always had that peculiar way of talking, walking and chatting, but we never minded. We were very proud of him. He was odd, but that was okay.

Until one day, zapped. He decided to drop them all off. Then we started to understand him less. [What is there to understand anyway? He is harmless, that is all that matters to us. And he is a fun subject to discuss about. Odd rooster that he is.]

You have heard of Yoga, yes? Meditation? Spirituality? Touch healing? Well, we have not, not until Big Bro told us about it. Then we have heard of it. Although understanding them, is completely a different animal. [Animal? Is it not chicken anymore? Duck perhaps? Or buffalo? *suspicious eyes to Mother Hen. Wondered how the ‘touch healing’ is working out for her.*]

One day Big Bro is around, another he is MIA. You will never know with Big Bro. He tends to disappear from time to time [or disapparate [too much Hairy Poultry chick lit, we bet]].

But that is okay, too! We love our cool Big Bro Chicken [Big Bro Chicken….BBC! Hah, I bet he comes from that human country where BBC originates from as well. Or at least he has been there and will go there again.] He’s still weird though. Honestly.

Anyway, the next story is SUPPOSED to be about a Big Bro adventure, if we ever get round to writing it. We’re very busy, you see.

Leave a comment »

Meet the other Clip (aka Mother’s away day)

Aaaahhhh. What a nice relaxing time for Mother Hen. For once, she manages to get away from the Chicken flock, sitting quietly on the green grass doing practically nothing on top of the quiet green hill on a sunny day. (Did we say ‘quiet’ twice in one sentence? Must be very quiet. And green. We said green twice as well.)

Just Mother and her quiet friend, Ellie–short for ‘Elegant Crystal Butterfly Hair Clip’. Yup, of the Clip family. Clipken’s very own elder sister.

“So what’s with your little sister Clipken, El?” Mother Hen asks Ellie.

Ellie’s eyes go out of focus and get a bit teary. (She is a clip with butterfly form, so it is easy to pinpoint the eyes. Or so we think.)

“I don’t know, Mo. (Ellie’s nickname for Mother. We bet she is the only one who DARES to call Mother that. What nerve a hair clip has. Maybe it is because of the plastic or that fake diamond she has.) It started from that d*mn fortune teller telling Clipsy that she would one day be a chicken,” she explains.

“I don’t mind that,” Mother responds. “It is just that your Clipken is sort of a desperate social climber. She tries too hard to mingle. She is acting out and not everybody is able to see the humor in it.”

“I see,” says Ellie, slowly flapping her beautiful purple furry butterfly wings playfully.

[Camera shifting to Chickendom]

“Who wants to play?!” one spring chicken asks a flock of friends. “Me! Me! Me!” Clipken enthusiastically screams, waving her wings rapidly. The flock freezes. “It’s time for bed.” Everybody turns his/her tail, closes his/her eye lids, and goes to sleep.

“Now remember: Whoever gets to the fence first is the winner!” shouts a chick. “Alright, count me in. Never underestimate Super Clipken!,” you-know-who glows and starts to run. Other chicks start to run too, but to the fence on the opposite side.

Clipken polishes her yellow featherless body, whistling a happy tune. She smiles proudly and stands tall on top of an egg. A matured female chicken approaches and carelessly sits on top of Clipken. Then falls a sleep. zzzzzz.

[Points made. Chickendom zooms out. Returning to Mother and Ellie.]

“Honestly, you need to do something about that, Ellie darling. I think you are the only one who can get through to her,” Mother says, choosing her words carefully.

“I see,” says Ellie, slowly flapping her beautiful purple furry butterfly wings playfully.

‘I see?’ Does she, really? We are getting suspicious here. It just seems a bit fishy (or clipsy?) that Ellie too likes to flap her so called wings. Perhaps it runs in the family. We wonder whether there is hereditary disease among the Clip species. Must check Chickipedia on this. Or maybe better in the Clipkipedia.

“Oh well, let’s worry about that later and enjoy this moment, shall we? Listen to that sound,” Mother says, titling her head, smiling, eyes wide shut.

“What sound?” Ellie asks.

“Exactly,” Mother smiles warmly.

Aaaaawwwwwhhh, leave it to Mother to make such romantically smart remark. Hugs hugs hugs. Nudge nugde. Hugs hugs hugs. We luv our Mother. Hail to the queen!

Mother’s eyes twinkle like we have rarely seen them before. (Except when she is with or even catches a glimpse of Emilio, of course. Woo-hoo! Gossip time!!!!)

From a distance, a familiar petite yellow figure is approaching rather hastily. Mother squints her eyes and smiles. Not to worry. It is a friend. The nice relaxing time shall persist. “Come, YC, sit beside me. Perfect timing…for you,” Mother Hen says, though not in so many words.

YC quietly snuggles under Mother’s right wing. (Unless you see it from the opposite angle, then you might consider it as left wing. Well, actually no, it is still Mother’s right wing, really.) And she stays there. Silently. She looks so peaceful. And happy. *hugs*

The wind blows gently. “Yes, of course, you too, Boo. Anytime.”

[pic taken from here.]

PS: Have a great holiday!!! Share some dirts with us when you return. *Eyes glittering with curiosity, hungry for juicy gossips.*

Leave a comment »

Letter from the Caspian Sea

The chickens are gathering around. From the sound of it, they are very excited. Something must have happened. Sure enough. It is a letter. We are always excited about receiving a letter. Yes sir, we are. And it comes with a picture too!! Exciting!

It is from Molly. You know, THE Molly. You don’t know? Ah! THE Molly! The one that has ditched her solemn stable life and rising career as egg psychiatrist.

You know how difficult it is to find a good egg psychiatrist in Chickendom? And it is important too—that tender age of being an egg. She was good at it, you know? Such a shame to throw the career away.

THE Molly that has flown to far away territories and ventures to the unknown. Strange girl that Molly, say the elders and youngsters alike. But they are just jealous. Of course we are not. Yes you are. Are not. Are too. Are not. Are too. Are not. Sshshsh.

The chickens read on.

Date: don’t know, don’t really care.

Beloved beautiful chickens:

I hope all is well with you. Big hugs to Mother Hen and deep respect for Chick-a-boo. How’s little YC? And Chicken? Getting more handsome everyday, I bet. Wink wink.

***Chicken secretly blushes; and so does YC, for a different reason***

I am by the Caspian Sea at the moment.

***Where is it? Nobody knows *furious shaking of head trademark*, but it sounds oh so cool. Perhaps it is near the place where that nice ghost Casper resides. No, that would be Casperian Sea then, not Caspian. But let’s not scratch that possibility out for the time being.***

The Caspian Sea is the largest endorheic body of water on Earth by area, variously classed as the world’s largest lake or a full-fledged sea. It has a surface area of 371,000 square kilometers and a volume of 78,200 cubic kilometers.

It has a maximum depth of about 1,025 meters. It was perceived as a sea by its ancient coastal inhabitants because it is salty and seemed boundless. It has a salinity of approximately 1.2%, about a third the salinity of most seawater.

***Huhhhhh!?!?!?!?! What kind of drinks do they serve there anyway?***

The Caspian Sea holds great numbers of sturgeon, which yield eggs that are processed into caviar. So I can continue being egg therapist, although it is not easy changing line from being chicken egg therapist to fish egg therapist.

***Why? Fish egg is smaller. Surely it MUST be easier.***

Although there is no chicken around, the area has plenty of other bird species, the Caspian gull and the Caspian tern.

***You know what that means. No parties. No chicken-style full of fun parties. How can one (chicken) survive? Poor Molly. She’s losing it (the feather,we mean). Perhaps that is why she puts on that strange hat of hers.***

Got to go now. Got sunset to watch. I really hope that you are here with me to share this joyous moment. Miss you all.

Love and light,
Molly

PS: The picture was taken by a good friend of mine, Darling Pete, which happens to be a fellow traveler of mine for the past months.

***Pete? Who is Pete? Can it be.. No, cannot be him. Who is Pete? Gossip time!!***

Owwwwh, that sweet Molly. She misses us, the incurably cute flock of beautiful feathers. Why does she say love and light? What love? What light? Where? *Looking right and left, above and below, front and back. You get the point.*

By the way, did you hear that? She wants us there. Let’s go. Let’s go. Got to go pack. How do we get to this Casperian Sea? Do we turn left or right by the gate in front of the farm? Anybody seen Casper? We need to ask him for direction.

Enthusiastic bunch those chickens. Not so bright though. Not that bright at all.

PS: The chickens have forgotten that they are on strike. One letter is all it takes to make them forget it all. Life moves on. Not so bright those chickens. Short memory span, too.

Leave a comment »

Party planning with David Tortuera

Parties in the Chickendom means only one thing: David Tortuera. (For the less exposed to education ones: tortue is French for turtle. He sometimes alters his name a bit to D. Turtletera when he is in English-speaking markets).

David (pronounced with French accent, naturellement, not English) has been practically THE party planner for all Chickendom’s parties, as chickens are very particular about their parties.

Although he looks extremely slow, David works very fast up here (pointing at chicken head). Some says that he deliberately moves (soooo) slow so that he can always be fashionably late.

He can get the job on time, however, because his team comprise of the fast-moving (but not so fast up here (pointing at chicken head)) rabbits. Yes, we are afraid that the rabbits are still paying for their loss during that famous turtle-rabbit race.

Who do you think invent the chicken dance? Oooh, now we feel like shaking our tails. A one, a two, a three. Flap flap flap (wings), and to the right, one, two three, to the left, one, two, three. Woo hoo!!

Ehm. Now where were we?

And one day, oh oh oh this is so exciting, David was so frustrated because the lighting in the barn did not work. So he just stick his tummy to the barn ceiling and stayed there. When we shot the light to him, what do you know, the carapace (upper shell) reflects to all directions the brightest light possible. We believe humans call this disco ball nowadays.

So today we try to catch up with Le Grande David himself to obtain some top tips on party planning.

Ah, there he is. Standing with his neck stretches high, eyes not focusing, as if waiting for some kind of enlightenment on party theme, with his fashionable high red-white checkered hat and glittery shell. (Is that new tattoo we see near his tail? Um.. what does it say … cannot see well..)

Err, David, can we ask you a couple of questions?
Suureeee. (That’s how he speak. He is slow, you see.)

What are your inspirations in planning a party?
Depppendsssss.

On?
[suddenly fast] On many things, of course, you *uhuk* chicken. Timing: Time of the day, day of the week, week of the month, month of the year. On occasion: new birth, birthday, anniversary, awakening day, or celebrating a chicken who has managed to cross the road for the first time, etc etc. On who is the center of attention: everybody, the elders, YC, The Chicken, Chick-A-Boo, and of course Mother Hen. On the complexion of the chicken skin at that moment. On your budget. On how much time we have. And on my mood, of course.

Any tips to young chickens on how to become great party planners?
That is already three questions. Now go away. I am busy, you *uhuk* poulet. Not very chickeny polite. This turtle.

He turns away but stops short. He looks back (slowly) to the chickens and says (slowly), “I give you one tip though, mon ami. The tip is there is no tip. Like me, you are just born inspirational. Genius. Brilliant.”

“The brilliance in me never ceases,” he says as he turns his head (slowly) and starts walking away again (very slowly). Not very humble. This turtle.

But who needs humbleness when you are that brilliant? The chickens agree one hundred and two percent. *nodding head furiously.* Par-teee!!!

[Pictures taken from here, here,and here. FYI, the first picture is not David. Those are the ninja turtles. Doh!]

Leave a comment »