It was a serene, quiet and fresh morning in Chickendom. Cockerels, pullets, chicks, and the elders are still half a sleep, swaying their head and body slowly, front and back, side to side. Calm. Quiet. Almost meditative.
Then suddenly. WE WANT MORE! WE WANT MORE! NO, LESS. I MEAN, MORE. I THINK IT SHOULD BE LESS! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE IT IS MORE. IT IS ALWAYS MORE. NO LESS, I MEAN… WHICH ONE IS IT ANYWAY???!! *annoyed*
The youngsters and elders are not asleep anymore. Wide awake, alarmed, and annoyed. It is the International Hen Day.
The productive adult female chickens are on strike. They believe that, as the lawyer and reps put it, they have been treated inhumanely, we mean, un-chickeny. Human should have better respect towards the “professional egg and white meat providers.”
Here’s a handy tip for you. Never ever get the chickens pissed off *excuse the French here*. They have high pride and high solidarity (if and when they want to, otherwise they are simply cheap, aggravating, and totally could-not-care-less-about-you-and-your-mom self-centric two-feet feathery balls.)
You do not want to have the chickens annoyed at you—especially the hens, you don’t want to mess with them. Their beak, really hurts, we tell you—Do you know that there are more chickens in the world than any other bird? More than 24 billion of us around. Yup, this is real statistics, and this is from five years ago. Yes sir, we are popular, huge and strong!!! We demand respect!!!!
We demand SOME SLACK. I mean, come on. Hens produce as many as 300 eggs a year. And you still think it is not enough???!!! *getting emotional.*
We demand STABLE NESTING PLACE. When we lay an egg in one spot, we want that very same spot to be available for our next eggs. Hens should also have priority access to food and nesting locations, compared to those (useless!) roosters who can only crow and flap wings.
We demand chickeny BUSINESS HOURS. A girl got to have her manicure, shopping, chatting, blogging, and coffee hours. Gotta, gotta, gotta.
We demand much BETTER PENSION PLAN. After our egg-laying ability starts to decline, then you just toss us all off. Did not your mother ever teach you anything? *still emotional*
We demand better TRANSPORTATION MODE (preferably by air). Chickens are explorers by nature. We want to fly to explore our surrounding (btw, have you seen that handsome Italian roosters at the barn next door? Mama mia!! Let’s explore!!). And as you know, domestic chickens are, uhm, not exactly the best frequent flier on the planet. So an aircraft or chopper would be good. *pushing it a bit too much*
So there you go. WE WANT MORE! WE WANT MORE! NO, LESS. I MEAN, MORE. I THINK IT SHOULD BE LESS! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE IT IS MORE. IT IS ALWAYS MORE. NO LESS, I MEAN… WHICH ONE IS IT ANYWAY???!! *annoyed*
Sigh. The racket (brit’s for “noise”). Only Mother Hen can put an end to this *cough* ridiculous *cough again* commotion.
Where is she? Mother??!! Mother!?! We need our sleep.
[pics taken from the royalty-free Getty Images and BBC.]
